I hit the floor running on the day I left for Jenn and Jaska's place. I chose to listen to conference on my way down since I was struggling with sadness over Isaac's struggle. One always feels so powerless. Boyd K Packer's talk a couple of years ago was on - and I caught a phrase I had not heard when I listened to it the first time.
"Life moves all too fast. When you feel weak, discouraged, depressed, or afraid, open the Book of Mormon and read. Do not let too much time pass before reading a verse, a thought, or a chapter."
I thought "Wow" There was the instruction as to what to do when those type of thoughts hit any one of us...I thought of Isaac fighting for his life and how he was choosing to live, I thought of Jenn and Jaska and all of my family and how they showed up every day to face what life had to offer.....I resolved to not give in but to do, and see what happened.
It didn't come easy - all set backs are an invitation to give in to fear, doubt, worry, and insecurity. I don't know how anyone else faces life but I had given in far too often and for too many reasons.
As Isaac's condition did not improve right away I felt this cloud hang onto my heart and mind - I had the Ensign with me not the Book of Mormon. I read "When was the last time you thanked the Lord for a trial or tribulation? Adversity compels us to go to our knees; does gratitude for adversity do that as well? As I pondered such a deep thought I felt a gentle turn and help me see what was in front of me. After a hard winter coming to Connecticut was a blessing to see Spring not be a hope but a reality....
I couldn't stay sad, or worried, or afraid, as I saw the world in such beauty and knowing that Heavenly Father loves us...
President David O McKay observed, "We find in the bitter chill of adversity the real test of our gratitude..which...goes beneath the surface of life, whether sad or joyous." I couldn't in my heart say I was thankful that Isaac was having a setback. But I could say I was grateful that I could pray about it and as I got busy in being present for Jonah and taking him to the park these were the gifts I received to lighten my heart and gladden my mind.
I was given a mind free of concern or a heavy heart which usually distracts me from being present... I was able to enjoy what I love...
I love Jonah and having time with him. (I love Jaska and Jenn too and all my children :)
He loves his tricycle. He was in such joy having a popsicle and riding it.
He was falling asleep on the way so I laid him down hoping he would rest for a few minutes...we had fun ...wasn't interested in resting at all.
He started to run and play hide and seek with me and he looked through this plastic bubble and called my name and I burst out laughing.
All the way down he was saying "Aaaaaaaa" so he could hear his voice shake and bump as he said it.... When we got back home he reminded me of how life can be experienced in so many different ways .....
Run and roll - was what he enjoyed the most not kicking or throwing the ball.
I enjoyed most being in gratitude, not worry, fear, doubt...
Thanks girls for helping me learn the technology to try blogging. 
Look at this "big guy" I wanted to cry, I was so deeply touched with gratitude at seeing him so catching up to his "normal size" He is making all those wonderful newborn faces of having serious eyebrows, then smiling, then looking like he is going to cry and then peaceful bliss. It was soooo much fun to hold him out of his incubator and to snuggle him and do such simple things as burp him! Who would have thought such simple things would evoke such feelings? I am sure going to enjoy it while it lasts...
